Let me write something funny for a change..................

Aih.

Okay, lemme try that again.

So.
Yesterday was a big blur of all blurness. I went to the shoplot to look at the renovation. Pakcik Zainal has started painting the floor. Paid him and then we went to Bukit Raja to go distribute flyers.

Bukit Raja is cliche-ly 1Malaysia because this is how it goes.
"Rumah cina." "Rumah cina." "Rumah melayu." (masukkan flyer). "Rumah india". "Rumah cina". "Rumah india." "Rumah melayu." (masukkan flyer). "Rumah cina." "Rumah cina." "Rumah kristian?"

We're not being racist. But putting CICs flyers in a Christian house wouldn't be much help, won't it? Especially since we do not have a lot of flyers, each one counts. Not that I am trying to equalise Malay being Muslim, but I'm sorry, we just don't have enough flyers to be playing let's-just-guess.  

We went to some condominiums to distribute there (partly because we're lazy and condos have collective postboxes). Ask the security if we can go in. "Sure, but please make sure you report to the management first." he said. Now, do we look like people who would go to the management? At all? Who caresssss... We wanted to get into this one rich neighbourhood but the (lonely) guard there said that if I belanja him minum, he will do it for me.

Yearrrrrright. So I gave him a RM10 and ask him to distribute it. He can drink all he wants with the RM10.

Then Tim and I went to get Mun at Bangi, who is sleeping in Surau Al-Madani after her meeting with Aman Palestine. On the way, I saw this one notice board for an RNR, and I laughed. Tim asked why and I told her that on that board are pictures of ladies n gents' symbol and there is a symbol of spoon and fork underneath it, signifying a food place nearby. But since they put the spoon under the ladies symbol, and the fork uner the gents symbol, I just think it hillarious.

"You're weird, you know that?"
"I know. That's why men can't stand being near me. I'm creepier than them."
"Ahahahahaha..."
"Last time Firdaus said that he thinks I'm creepy and I actually thanked him."
"Ahahahaha..."

The one point I forgot to tell Mun is that the surau is just next to my maklong's house. So upon arriving, I invite them all to Maklong's house and meratah keropok maklong. Then went to Putrajaya, get Nad, kiss Adam goodbye and went straight to One Utama so Nad could meet up with Yeh and do their Japan-shopping, while we went to the food court and I ate a frikkishly tawar heber punya Korean seaweed noodles.

That stupid Korean stall is so... well.. stupid. How can you not have everything there is on menu?
"Korean curry noodle?"
"Curry finish." (dengan nada Bangla).
"Korean noodles with malat soup?"
"Malat soup finish."
"Noodles with kimchi?"
"Finish."
.............................................. so all I got was a stupid seaweed soup that tasted like sup taugeh. Pfft. I wonder why Koreans are so proud of their delicacies... last time Swee Wei suffered with diorrhea after eating one in Singapore. I guess she was tryin to make sure that she is able to marry Rain.

The next day I accompanied Tim to KLCC so she could settle her car purchase with this one annoying lady who can't stop talking that made me want to strangle her. Seriously I do have problems with people who can't seem to stop talking. People who can't stop talking always end up talking ridiculous nonsensical unimportant stuff, and have the tendency to not listen. And I mean people who talk ridiculous stuff that isn't even funny to begin with. Being friendly is one thing, but being overly talkative is just...

God gave me two ears. One is to listen, and another one is to filter nonsensical boring info.

Then at night we went to distribute flyers via bike. Tim thought that distributing by bike would be easier, but she forgot the fact that she ain't workin as a postman. So in the end the bike served no purpose but as our to and fro vehicle.
 
Slept at Tim's and then the next day lepak makan-makan dengan Dinie. While talking about SMIDEC and MARA loan, I felt like I have just been "old-ified" by threefolds.

"Aku tak tahan betulla dengan iklan filem JALANG tu. Ade ke suruh makcik datin-datin dengan pakcik bersongkok mana entah promotekan filem tu kat TV. Bayangkan bapak ko kat TV cakap, "Tontonlah JALANG!" sambil buat thumbs up." - as quoted from Dinie -

Ahahahahahahahahahha.... memang celaka production tu. "Keinsafan" taik die la. Yasmin Khanif tu lagi sekor. Sambil pakai dress merah mendada, "Mana adegan rogol saya? Walaupun provokatif, tapi tu untuk memberi kesedaran pada orang..."
Kesedaran apa? Yang ko tu rogol-able? Ko ingat kitorang ni bodoh tahap terencat ke? Memang saja2 nak buat filem tak senonoh, ade hati konon untuk kesedaran, siap guna ayat dari Surah Al-Isra'....

Sesiapa lagi menyalah gunakan surah Al-Isra' tu lagi memang aku celakakan aje.

Kalau nak buat cerita kesedaran, apesal tak buat cerita fasal rasuah ke, makan harta haram ke... cam, contohnya buat filem tentang manusia2 yang makan harta haram dengan membuat filem provokasi...........
Ye, mari mencaci orang hari ni - Aku pon buat kerja haram jugak.

بِِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Dengan Nama Allah, Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang.

Surah ini berkaitan erat dengan surah sebelumnya, dan sebagian mufasir menganggapnya sebagai sambungan langsung dari Surah al-Dhuha. Bagaimana pun juga, surah ini ditujukan kepada Nabi dan diperluas kepada semua orang yang mengikuti jejak langkah Nabi.

(Alam Nashrah laka shodrok-a)

1. Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan dadamu untukmu?

Syaraha bermaksud 'membukakan, menyingkapkan, menjelaskan, menerangkan atau menampakkan,' dan 'melapangkan'. Syaraha juga bererti 'memotong'. Dalam dunia bedah, kata tasyrih berarti pemotongan.

Shadara berarti 'kembali dari pengairan, melanjutkan, memancar, keluar', dan shadr adalah 'dada, payudara atau peti'. Jika seseorang mengatakan ia ingin 'mengambil sesuatu dari dadanya', maka sesuatu ini, tentu saja, bukan objek fizik. Melainkan, sesuatu yang sudah ia kenakan sendiri pada dirinya, sehingga ia merasa terhimpit atau terbeban, seolah-olah ia tidak bisa lagi bernafas dengan bebas. Dengan melepaskan diri dari beban ini, dengan 'melapangkan' diri, maka yang jauh menjadi dekat dan yang sulit menjadi mudah.

Syarh (uraian terperinci, penjelasan) yang utama adalah berupa pengetahuan, penyaksian langsung bahwa yang ada hanyalah Allah. Itulah syarh yang terakhir; tidak ada apa-apa di luar itu. Tidak ada kelegaan di luar penyaksian langsung.

Meskipun ayat ini ditujukan kepada Nabi, namun ia berlaku kepada semua orang. Beban kebodohan digantikan dengan beban kenabian, tapi beban tersebut menjadi ringan karena berbagai rahasia alam semesta telah diungkapkan kepadanya.

(Wa wa dho'na anka wizrak-a)

2. Dan mengangkat bebanmu dari (pundak/bahu)mu,

Wazara, akar dari wizr (beban, muatan berat), adalah 'memikul atau menanggung (suatu beban)'. Dari kata tersebut muncul kata wazir artinya 'menteri, wakil, konselor', yakni, seseorang yang membantu penguasa atau raja untuk memikul beban negara. Maksud ayat ini adalah bahwa kita dibebaskan dari tanggung jawab apa pun selain daripada sebagai hamba Pencipta kita. Jika kita sungguh-sungguh memahami penghambaan, maka kita tidak lagi terbebani seperti sebelumnya tapi kita malah hanya melaksanakan tanggung jawab dan kewajiban kepada Allah, tanpa menambah beban lagi kepada diri kita.

(Al-ladzi anqadha dzhohrok-a)

3. Yang telah memberatkan unggungmu?

Lagi-lagi ini merupakan penjelasan metaforis. Ada di antara kita yang nampaknya memikul beban berat, meskipun, sebenarnya, tidak ada beban yang bersifat permanen. Jika kita selalu ingat akan Allah (zikrullah), sadar bahwa pada suatu saat napas kita bisa berhenti, dan bahwa kita akan segera kembali menjadi debu, maka kita pun akan sadar bahwa yang dapat kita lakukan saat ini hanyalah menghamba dan berusaha berbuat sebaik-baiknya. Tidak ada yang harus kita lakukan selain dari itu. Secara tidak sengaja mungkin kita telah mengundang kesulitan di dunia ini, namun kesulitan dunia ini tetap akan datang dan menemukan kita. Jika kita tidak mempedulikan orang fi sabilillah (di jalan Allah), jika kita tidak membantu orang, melayani dan membimbing mereka, maka berbagai kesulitan akan menimpa kita.

(Wa rafa'na laka dhikrak-a)

4. Dan meninggikan untukmu sebutan kamu?

Ini berkenaan dengan zikir lahiriah Nabi. Kita tidak bisa melakukan zikir lahiriah yang lebih tinggi dari Nama Allah. Zikir batiniah Nabi merupakan kesadaran beliau yang tak henti-henti, berkesinambungan, dan tidak terputus terhadap Penciptanya. Zikir Nabi terhadap Penciptanya memiliki kedudukan paling tinggi karena di antara ciptaan Allah beliaulah yang paling dekat kepada-Nya.

Ketika Nabi berzikir, zikimya diangkat lebih tinggi sehingga zikir Nabi berada di urutan paling tinggi; kehidupannya sendiri merupakan zikrullah.

(Fa Inna ma'al usri yusra-n)

5. Karena sesungguhnya bersama setiap kesulitan ada kemudahan,

(Inna ma'al usri yusra-n)

6. Sesungguhnya bersama setiap kesulitan ada kemudahan.

Dua ayat ini memberikan penjelasan khusus mengenai 'sang' kesulitan, yakni 'bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan', yang menunjukkan bahwa hanya ada satu kesulitan. Ini berarti bahwa pada setiap kesulitan ada dua kemudahan atau solusi. Solusi pertama adalah bahwa kesulitan akan berlalu: ia tidak bisa berlalu dengan sendirinya, tapi akhirnya ia akan berlalu karena lambat laun kita pergi darinya melalui kematian. Solusi kedua adalah bagi pencari sejati; solusinya terletak dalam pengetahuan tentang proses awal terjadinya kesulitan kemudian melihat kesempumaan di dalamnya.

Umpamanya, seseorang bisa saja melakukan kesalahan dengan memasuki areal proyek pembangunan yang berbahaya sehingga kepalanya tertimpa sesuatu. Ia mungkin saja tidak menyadari berbagai faktor yang terkait dengan kecelakaannya, apakah orang lain bermaksud mencelakakannya atau tidak, tapi yang jelas ia akan mengalami musibah itu. Begitu ia mengetahui bagaimana musibah itu terjadi, betapa sempurna kejadiannya! Kepalanya akan terluka, tapi itu pun akan sembuh: itu adalah kemudahan lain. Bersamaan dengan sulitnya merasakan pemisahan muncul pertolongan untuk mengetahui bahwa kita berhubungan.

(Fa idha faraghta ranshob)

7. Maka jika engkau sudah bebas, tetaplah tabah bekerja keras!

Makna syari’ (lahiriah) dari ayat ini adalah bahwa begitu kita selesai berurusan dengan dunia dan dengan segala tanggung jawab kita di dalamnya, hendaknya kita bersiap-siap untuk mencari pengetahuan langsung tentang Realitas Ilahi. Menurut penafsiran golongan ahl al-Bayt tentang ayat ini, bila kita selesai menunaikan salat-salat formal kita, maka hendaknya kita melanjutkan ke tahap berikutnya, yakni begadang sepanjang malam melaksanakan salat lagi, zikir dan belajar. Bila kita sudah menyelesaikan segala kewajiban kita terhadap penciptaan dan terhadap Pencipta kita, maka hendaknya kita berbuat lebih, dan mencurahkan diri kita sepenuhnya. Perjuangan dan upaya batin ini adalah makna harfiah dari kata jihad, yang hanya dalam peristiwa tertentu saja menjadi 'perang suci'.

(Wa ila Rabb bika farghab)

8. Dan jadikanlah Tuhanmu sebagai tujuan [kerinduan] engkau semata!

Ketika kita mempraktikkan hasrat keingintahuan kita, bila kita menginginkan pengetahuan, maka kita akan menjadi pengetahuan, persis sebagaimana kita mempraktikkan kemarahan, maka kita pun akan menjadi kemarahan. Begitu kita meletakkan dasar-dasar yang perlu untuk menunaikan segala kewajiban kita, maka kita pun sah untuk menjadikan Allah sebagai satu-satunya tujuan kita. Bagaimana pun, menunaikan kewajiban kita terlebih dahulu adalah penting, karena, kalau tidak kita akan melaksanakan keinginan untuk melarikan diri.[]

God knows best.

When my boss called and said, "Don't come. We're moving stuff. I'll email you your work." I thought, well, that's nice. I can do a lot of things in between work when there's no office to go to.

Wrong.

Mun and I went to see our franchisor on Monday to talk about SAPreS, and ended up being DEPRESSED since they are not willing to work with us on marketing it. It was such a devastating moment. Nothing else is more tiring than going somewhere with hope and end up being crushed down like a bunch of ants.

I tried to forget about it by putting stickers on our flyers on Tuesday, and was hoping that I have long Jolin Tsai-ish nails (otherwise known as stripper nails) to make it easier to peel that thing off. Now, why would anybody even have those kind of nails? It's ludicrous. You're just an annoyance to the whole D-I-Y community. I have met a lot of long-fingernailed girls who always ask me to tear up their Twisties or Mister Potato because that long nails with a Hello Kitty face on its surface are just ludicrously dysfunctional.

Tell you, pasting 1000 stickers on 1000 flyers can trigger a migraine, because the whole night I ended up suffering with one, and cannot sleep a wink. In the end I chat with people on YM and MSN. Both. Yeah.

On Wednesday, my boss' email arrived and she gave me 4 shows to be translated with a deadline of 24th. Lemme tell you, when she said 24th, usually it means, 22nd. So I tried finishing one of it, and then spent all night stamping 1000 flyers while laughing at Douglas Lim's take on modern dancers on "Ten Ten Ten", that is after rushing to TESCO to get the finished stamp. Get to sleep like an hour of Thursday morning before Nad and Mun called. I called Nad back and she said that the franchisor wants to see us. Can't sleep at all after that.

So I pack my stuff and Mun came to pick me up, continue working in her office at Puchong (I think Lan is already bored seeing me), then off to Putrajaya, pick Nad up and went to the meeting. Let me tell you, one of the franchise people reallllly makes me want to kill her, and when I say 'me', I mean 'Nad & Mun' included. How dare she tried to lecture us about still not destributing flyers when they're the ones who failed  to put our franchise in the flyer, making us forced to get a stamp that was only siap on Wednesday, and then called us to a meeting to talk about stupid things when clearly I can use that wasted time stamping another 6000 fucking flyers!

Then we crashed Nad's place. Discussion and mengumpat continues. Mun and I ended up sleeping late trying to finish another part of my translating work (Nad had to go to bed because Adam is screaming bloody murder, she has to wake up earlier and feed Adam, and work), and finish up the cashflow, slashing less important stuff and then still talk about personal stuff, about what we're going to do once all of these craziness are over. Sleep. Dreaming about making roti jala while people turning into crocodiles, birds and tigers. Whatever.

The next day, we woke up, had a breakfast, travel all the way to Sungai Buloh so Mun can get her camera bag, on the way I glanced at the clock. 10.45am. Then I went, "I think if you turn left, Mun, you can see my editor and my boss smoking profusely." and as I thought, we saw Vinsen and Zee smoking outside Cinema Online. Aih, they are so predictable. Smoking session for CVS and ZEE: 10.45am, 1.35pm, 4.45pm. Exciting. Really. Yawn.

Then patah balik to IKEA because Lan SMSed to go buy a lint remover, then thought about eating salmon but feel like, man, we're just too sleepy to be doing oethr stuff.

Sampai XC and here I am - sleepy, libang-libu, delusional, and still have two more subtitles and 6000 flyers to go.

Kill me kill me now.

Saturday

As soon as I woke up, Nad called and asked why the hell I am worth RM89.90.
"Because yesterday Mun asked me if I am free today, so I told her that I'm not free. I'm RM89.90 with a free set of hi-fi."
"That's cheap."
"Yeah. It's a bargain." I think I said that, but I can't remember correctly if I said it or I was dreaming about it because I was super-sleepy but pretend that I am wide awake.

So I spent the whole day with Munafsyas to go see the renovation work at the lot. We went to TESCO to buy stepladders so we could climb the roof and hang our banner, but ladders are expensive, so we ended up making stickers and company stamp. And borrow a ladder from Nad's aunt.

It isn't weird for Nad to borrow a ladder from her own relatives, but for an ex-CO staff, there's a weird feeling when you borrowed a ladder that has the name "Ahmad Puad Onah" on it. I mean, shouldn't I be interviewing him for his new movie, instead of borrowing his ladder? Or, shouldn't I ask Ehsan about Les Copaque's next project instead of watching him got scold by Nad for using her laptop?

And why the hell I am having this efficient thought when I have resigned from the company for almost a year now?

Aaaanyways... after all that hardwork, we return to the lot and saw that the contractor has already hanged the banner. It's like having crickets inside your head when you realise that all that work just went down the drain. Hahaha.

So we went to eat nasi lemak at Nasi Lemak Cinta Sayang instead. Makcik called about a karaoke session, and plan to go to Bagan Lalang on Sunday. I confirmed affirmatively but then the karaoke session was cancelled.

Actually I was thankful that the karaoke plan was cancelled because I got a translation work that I have to finish. It was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do because it was an extremely boring piece of writing. Patriotic too, to make it even more painful. There are lots of terms that are not used again nowadays that can only be found in old books, like "Pasukan Askar Timbalan Setia".

So I decided to ask dad about it.

Wrong choice.

Never to ask anything from Tuan haji Kamarudin bin Ahmad. The thing about my dear dear father is, you ask him one simple thing like, "Dad, what's Pasukan Askar Timbalan Setia in english?" and you end up having the knowledge of:
1) all Johor armed forces unit.
2) The history of Pacific War
3) Johor's royal descents
4) my grandfather's role in the police force
5) dad's method of translating British Colonial Malay Peninsula

Mum scolded dad for disturbing me with my work. I just let him. I actually love listening to him talking about all that. I don't have to read, that way, you know.

But in the end, I end up watching Cerekarama "Tunjang Saadah", a story about a maid and her employer whose wife just died (yes, you can almost know the conclusion already). Of course la the employer will fall in love with a maid if all maids look like Rozita Che Wan. I think any Datuks watching that show would be salivating profusely. Rozita Che Wan as a maid. That's like every men's wet dream. We were forced to watch that, because dad suddenly wanted to watch a malay drama.

Mum was like, "It's not logical. The maid is too pretty to be a maid. If all maid looks like Rozita Che Wan, all employers would have divorce their wife."

I mean, I've seen worst case scenario, where the employer married an Indonesian maid, and  she ain't lookin like Tamara Blazynski ponnnn... never underestimate their appeal to lonely men.
But none can defeat the power of Lombok men. I don't understand how girls can still run away with them and want to end up workin in Lombok's paddy field for the ridiculous pay of Rp.250 per week.

There's a limit to 'love conquers all' too, you know.

Why the hell are we talking about maids, anyway?  

My dad was watching a Mawi's music video on ASTRO, you know, those ASTRO's videos where you can download the song too. So, under the clip there's the advertisement for downloading and it is written 'Muat Turun SUJUD' and he went nonchalantly, "Tajuk lagu tu Muat Turun Sujud?"
Then went, "Mawi kaya bagai nak rak pun takde duit nak beli butang baju? Aku ada banyak butang, nanti aku bagi dia."

*aku sambung citer SUNDAY in Bagan Lalang on shailaden lahhh. Malas*

Conversation of the Day
Shai: Kedai plaster ceiling tak jual?
Mun: Tak, dia tak jual.
Shai: Patut jual la, kan? Konsep die kan sama, konsep menghubungkan sesuatu dengan sesuatu.
Mun: Tulah, persamaan jalinan
Shai: Idgham. "Memesrakan sesuatu dengan sesuatu".
Mun: Ahahahaha....
Shai: Tulah, lawak ni susah orang lain nak paham, unless die sekolah agama and belajar tajwid.

Yesterday was a rush fest.

830am
Now, usually I won't be all siap2 this early when I have a press preview, but it seems to my sister that I WANT to be that early. 8.30am means that I will arrive at Mid Valley at 9am. Now, what the hell am I supposed to do at Mid Valley that early on? Even the stores aren't open yet.

I know, breakfast at McD (that I usually hate, but then again they're the only ones that open), and watch how weirdos queued in front of the yet to open for business GSC to buy tickets to see "2012". What's with human being and disaster movies, eyh? I mean, tau tgk kemusnahan dunia je, bertaubat tak jugak.

And saw Syamsul Yusof (you know, the Yusof Haslam son cum director) who was talkin to this guy in front of me. I wanted to snap some pictures of the queueing loonies but he gets in my way so to others it looks like I was snapping pictures of Shamsul. Pfft, like I care. Should have asked him what he's doing in GSC this early, but then again CO don't pay me to be so efficient, so I just chowed down my burger and pretend like I didn't see him.

1030am
Watched "The Box". Sent an SMS to Swee;
"What's with u guys and sending me to *toot*'s preview? You know it usually end up with them bein angry with me." Go read my review because I am too malas to link it here. Saw Wai Ting who came for another magazine.

12.30pm
Off to Kelana Jaya to drop off stuff and get my cheque. That is before Swee told me that Zee is on EL.

"Whattttt???"
"Why are you so surprised?"
"Well, I don't know. Probably because of a thing called 'CHEQUE'..."
"Oh......" (this is the simultaneous sound coming from Pinat and Swee).
Tried calling him twice but no answer.
"You can always go check his table." Swee suggested.
"I'm not authorised to go rummaging through people's stuff.......... unless, you do it for me?"
"Me?"
"I know you want it. I know you want to mess Zee's table up."
"Okay."
Not much of a mess we made, since we found my cheque in like, 10 seconds. Zee is so predictable.

"Whee, I'm rich, muthafucka..."
"Hahaha..."
"Yeah, this is the second time I broke my promise of not swearing anymore today."
(the first one came earlier when I called Mun and she said that Wilson wants to rewrite the agreement. And one 'celaka' for Wilson).

2pm
Off to catch a cab and go to Puchong Jaya, straight to Mun's office and tried writing my review there (since XC's internet conn is better than my Maxis Slothband). But I seriously think Lan should learn to create a shorter passkey for it.

3.45pm
Finished that, and then we went straight to CIC headquarter to get the flyers, banners and buntings.

5.25pm
Then went straight off to Ministry of Transport to get Puan Nadiah Azharuddin who just got off from work, and then straight to her house to just look at the banners and stuff, eat, chat, mengumpat, bully Adam, dance (yes, you read it right... DANCE. Apparently Anisah's friend is selling that dance-slash-exercise game that you always see at the arcade). And also watch Nad and Yeh argue about the dance software, which in the end makes me go,

"Ya Allah, argument fasal macam mana nak menari... apakah laki bini niiiii..." (okay, I'm just jealous of such things when all I get is jealousy arguments, which is so tiring).

Then on our way back, berborak with Mun about my problems with you-know-who, and we were joking around about how critically insane we are and was laughing it off.

"It's hard when we're superintelligent."
"I know. It's such a predicament..."
.........................."HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"My God, that is so..."
"I know...."
(lalu tol)
Mamat tol: "Ai, gelak sakan nampak..."
(jalan semula)
"Kita nak ketawa suka hatila, apehallll..."
"Entah, ape kene mengene dengan die. Jeles. hahahahaha..."

Balik rumah, tertido mengalahkan apa. My promise to go on MSN just terbengkalai macam tu je. Hah, nasiblah...    

My weekend were hectic. I spent my Saturday layan my little cousins, bringing them to MJ "This Is It" concert (kaklong yang bayar of course).

The thing I like about seeing the kids is that every time they see me they will go, "Kak Ngaaaaah!!!!" and then hug me. I call it pre-emptive bodek. Or probably they just love me. Neh, I like the bodek part better.

Aying and I ended up having Shazni, Shazrina and Hazirah as our passengers. Boy, they talk so much that we missed the intersection going to Alamanda and terus exit to Bangi. That is because we had to make Shazni understand the difference between being funny and just being racist.

An hour before that we had a busy time trying to show him the reason why boys should not play with teddy bears. He so loves the little teddy bear that I had to do almost everything to make him stop. That includes;
A) Kat kampung, I climbed to the ceiling and hid the teddy bear dekat celah cracks above the window.
B) I fooled Shazni into believing that I am interested in the little note on the bear then kick it away
C) Hid it under the resting chair
D) Tried to scare him off with "Child's Play". We were telling him about Chucky and how he's an evil doll who kills people and then he went holier-than-thou-ly on us and went,
"Kalau anak patung tu nak bunuh abang, abang berdoalah kepada Allah Subhanahu Wataala."
........................... having a kid understand his religion too can have its little connundrum.

I think the people inside the cinema hall were very irritated with us. You see, kids love MJ. But they don't love lots of adult Americans talking about music, about "nourish" and "simmers" and "roars"... so after the first 30 minutes they started to get all cranky and talk among themselves. 5 year old Ejal was so noisy the guy in front of him shushed and instead Ejal screamed back at him.

Aye I'm scared for that lil dude's future. I mean, two hours later, he was shouting at a kid on the gelongsor to get off because almighty King Ejal wants to climb it. Dictator...

I ate a lot. It was macaroni and bubur at Makcik's, then popcorn, then KFC, then pakkak belanja Oldtown Kopitiam. 12 year old Ika tengah loaded because pakkak pays her RM10 pert day to look after his catfishes and then turned to me,
"Kalau awak nak, boleh, tapi pakkak bagi ikan keli jela."

I played the conditioning game with Ejal. After habiskan my whole arcade coins letting the kids play with one arcade game to another, I told Ejal that if behaves himself today, I will buy him a toy. So all day long he listens to me like a supernice kid.

So before we return I brought him to a toy stall and let him choose whatever toy he wants. The other 3 kids were not very satisfied with it.

"Mana aci! Abang pun nak mainan jugak. Ejal perangai teruk pon dapat mainan!" Shazni retorted.
"Kalau nak mainan, carik yg bawah RM5!" says I.

Since most of the toys there cost more than RM5, Shazni ended crying. Makcik asked him what he wants.
"Abang nak ni."
"Oh, kalau yang ni ayah lempang."
"Yang ni."
"Yang ni pun ayah lempang jugak bang." makcik said nonchalantly. I just laughed.

*it means that if he makes those insensible demands with his father, pakcik will absolutely scold him. Hahaha. (you might not think it's funny, but it is. That's what my dad used to do if we're being irrational)

In the end, pakkak bought them those toys that I can't afford. Aku pokai, remember?

You think that they're just kids, but I was so beat up, as soon as I arrived home, I fell asleep like never before.

Mum told us that when we were kids, every time we went to the store, we kept asking "Yang ni murah ke mahal mak?"
It's like imbedded inside our head, since dad can't afford lots of things, mum ended up always telling us that this or that toy is pricey or not. And so, every time we feel like we wanted something, it will always start with "Yang ni murah ke mahal?" and will only choose cheap stuff.
Unless there's Paklong or Makcik around. I think almost all my Barbie dolls are paid by Paklong. Even my first earring was bought by Paklong.

The next day I cancelled all plans because other than a DBP short story I had to translate, Safina called the day before asking me to proof her sister's Ph.D. thingy. So, in a way, my perfect no hassle weekend was not much of a no-hassle, eyh?
 

I need help.

I am having a mood of three giant elephants, an old witch, a damsel in distress and five little bitches whispering into a giant head of a nerdy guy.

"Huh?" would be a little bit under the top.

There's little Willy, who sometimes I feel like a little brother that needed a little slap behind the head, but most of the time makes me wanna strangle him to death. I am not even sure if he's the worst agent or the cleverest of them all. I am not sure if he's scared with all my other friends, but I kept telling him "Please call Munira because I can't decide on renovation stuff! It's not my forte! Kicking your ass would be my ultimate skill but that's not it right now, is it?" (okay, so I made that last sentence up). Yet he still calls me and said that he can't get to Mun.

I just want to... urgh... my God I'm lost for words.

Then there's *toot*. But let me just not express it because I will absolutely not express it and will just go nuts and throw this laptop. Feeling is a connundrum... as I once told Adam who went, "What's a connundrum?"

Well, connundrum is... it's a connundrum.

I was watching "Samantha Who", and in this episode she went, "The heart wants what the heart wants and right now my heart wants to be bruised badly." and I think it's just so clever. My heart wants what my heart wants and right now it just wants to explode and generate a heart attack. Sigh, I want that mini donuts in TESCO Setia Alam. I want Shidi.

Shidi......

Aaaaanyways...

And I, being the ultimate wisdom lass (I just made that up) decided to create my own version of quotes, and thus told one of my colleague that;
"A person worthy of attention is a person who knows the attention's worth."

Aren't I a genius? Even though I never followed my own advise. Ever.

DBP called and asked about my kindergarten.
"No, it starts in January."
"You'll be busy! How are you going to write again?"
.................................................................... well, since I never thought about that....
"I have my Saturdays and Sundays." says I.
"Great. We're sending over some short stories to be translated into english. Feel free to do it. And I mean submit on Monday."
"Sure! No problemo!"
Click.

..................................................................... I am the Royal Highness Queen of Screwed.

Then while advising someone to never quit believing in love, I went 360 degree and tell another colleague to just quit it. The thing is, when people tell you their relationship problem and it's always about how bad the fiance is (yes, you heard me right. F-I-A-N-C-E), how inconsiderate, how not-good-looking, how bad his family is... they just want you to tell them "Yeah, you're right. Leave him."

And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people not being grateful that they have someone who loves them, and always eyeing for someone a little bit better. It will never end. So, rather than trying to make them understand that "No, you're a selfish bitch who must realise that your beauty would not last for eternity and thinks highly of yourself since a famous person is in love with you and he's not your fiance...", I'd rather just let them do what they want.

Go. Do. Whatever.

But at the same time I am having this very peaceful feeling. It's like, I have troubles, I have heartaches, and it goes to show that my life is exciting. I may not be climbing the Everest or won a Palm D'Ore, and Rupert Penry-Jones is just my boyfriend in my sleep, yet I am here.

I am here, creating the stories that I will tell my grandkids.

That is if I still live to see the light of tomorrow, or the earth is not destroyed because some lunatics has wild interpretation of Nostradamus so-called prophecy. 

This is my motto in life.

If you're lazy, you have to be smart.
Dumb people can't be lazy. I mean, they can, but they'll be poor for life. If you are not creative enough to cater for your laziness, forget it. Live life like it should be.

So here's the deal. I am always lazy. I may not show it, I may still work hard or wake up every day and go to work, but the truth is I'm just so friggin lazy. That is why I can't work with people. I am too lazy to do almost anything, and that includes fighting with the boss. Freelancing or creating own business seems the best exit. Yes, they need a lot of work, but it's a lot of work suitable for a lazy ass like me.

I mean, have you ever realised why I am a novelist? I mean, working with things that doesn't exist? Yes, that is the job of the lazies. Almost all lazy people become writers. If not, they'll become editors and then other writers will just scuff at them and go, "Pfft, kiss ass."

I was telling mum about something I did in primary school that makes me realise that I have always been this short-cut person. When we were in standard 2 @ sekolah agama, ustazah made us memorise Doa Qunut (which is of course important, because if you do not memorise Doa Qunut, how did you ever do your subuh prayer?). I did mine with utmost difficulty (memorising wasn't really my forte.. I mean, it still isn't), but my pal Sal was having more difficulty than I did. And ustazah made us stand and only people who memorised it can sit down. So in the end, there was only like 5 people standing up and that includes Sal. She was all teary eyed because she can't remember everything (it has 12 lines).

But ustazah wasn't THAT kejam. She let you recite some and you can always look at the book when you get stuck. So I kinda taught Sal to just go and recite one line to her, and then comes back and memorise the other line and so on so forth. Since ustazah was too busy to realise that Sal has been going to and fro like 10 times in the course of her memorisation, Sal ended up passing the test.

In standard 5, I sent the same anyaman I did when I was in standard 4. Art class was really annoying when teachers tend to make you do anyaman every single year, like some annual art thing. Bu the fifth year in a row, I got fed-up (handicraft isn't really my thang), so I took my old anyaman when I was in standard four, erase the evidence of last year's work by scribbling flowers in red ink behind the anyaman, and sent it. In standard four, I got B- for the anyaman. In standard 5, the same thing got me an A- and was plastered on the art board.

From that day on, I learn that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

In high school, I made a barter system with Dinie. She was to copy my Arabic homework and I'll copy her math. In the end, she still doesn't understand balaghah and I am still a math moron. But it shows that I am really good at History - the subject where you learn about 'barter system'.

Before I entered IIUM, dad wanted me to take English Literature or Law. I wrote "BENL" in the first box of my application and "Law" on the second. As soon as my dad left, I erased it and turned it into "HUMAN SCIENCES". Come to think of it, maybe "Law" suited me better. I mean, I'm already full of crap, aren't I?

In IIUM I learn to cope through observing the lecturers behaviour. I pick "Spanish Hapsburg" as my Political History's assignment just because I'm too lazy to go to the library. I took "Methods of Dakwah" with Dr Osman Chuah because I know the drill - IRKHS lecturers just love it when you can put lots of hadiths and Quranic verses in your essays. It doesn't matter that I don't understand his thick chinese accent most of the time, I still aced the subject. Dr Fateh loves it when students quote from other political scientists and Dr Ishtiaq loves people who choose to write Straussian and Neocons instead of the more idealistic political figures. Dr. Zeenath? Learn to quote and compare Plato to Imam Al-Ghazali. You don't have to know everything. You just have to know the right thing.

See, I DO know how to be political.

In CO, I play the poker card. If you can make a poker face, and pretend that you are interested, all's well. Except for the part where I like to argue a lot and apparently bosses don't LOVE fighters...

In NK, well... I am a hardworker there (*cough*cough*). Sorry, I still work there.

But with Munafsya you just can't do that. You're with friends and they know you. They know how you act, how you approach things and how you play your politics. Heck, I can even play the diplomatic card with my dad, but I can't do that with my bestfriends.

In conclusion, I can't be lazy anymore.

Drats.

Sabtu lepas kitorang officially ambil kunci untuk dua lot kedai for the tadika. Aku, Mun dan pakej Nad (pakej Nad bermaksud: Nad plus Yeh plus Adam) pergi bayar deposit and amik kunci dari Wilson who was so happy to finally get a business he left his pen at the restaurant.

Went to see the place, and Mun keluarkan chalk and measuring tape and started measuring the place up untuk renovation (the perks of having an architect bestfriend. I knew there's a good reason why her application for Human Sciences was rejected and transferred to Architecture masa kat UIA dulu).

Two cups of air kelapa and goreng pisang later, we followed Nad to Setia Alam untuk tengok rumah yang nak disewanya. Actually kalau diikutkan, if jalan dari Denai Alam ke Setia Alam dah ada, Setia Alam ke Shah Alam akan jadi lebih dekat (so many 'alam' in that sentence). I was telling Mun that I have to learn to stop cussing if I am to teach kids.

"Ko bayangkanla kalau anak murid tanya aku soalan, pastu aku jawab, 'Apa kau mengarut ni setan? Babi betul..."
"Haha... ye, sile berubah."

Then she was amused that I remembered all KFC songs. I'm tellin ya, if there's a contest where one must sing KFC jingles, I'm gonna win that.

Here's the KFC song where the kids kacau granpa mengecat rumah;
"Semalam kami meneman atuk, nampaknya atuk terlalu sibuk, kami kasihan melihatnya, kami menolong apa terdaya, tapi datuk berkata, cu mari ke KFC, wow rezeki, kami makan apa kami mahu, tak sangka meneman atuk semudah itu, KFC idamanku selalu...."

and ini lagu versi atuk dia;
"Semalam atuk menjaga cucu, banyak pulak kerja nak dibuat tu, cucu nak tolong beria-ia, ah nanti habis rosak jadinya, macam ni pening kepala, nasib baik ke KFC, cucu kata jadi, di sana cucu makan tak jemu, KFC idamanku selalu..."

and ini iklan pemain bola;
"Main bola bukannya susah, sepak penalti lagi mudah, cakap ini macam penambah, alamak apa dah jadi, sudah kalah dua kali, nasiblah ada KFC, kentang ayam penawar hati, tiada siapa pun nak tegur, tapi mungkin penjaga gol, KFC memang kawanku, idamanku selalu..."

iklan pemain bola versi english;
"........... oh no what have I done, lost the game the second time, KFC  is still my friend, fries and chicken, will somebody talk to me, yes it looks like the goalie, because we're friends at KFC, there is where I want to be..."

iklan zoo KFC;
"Apabila perut lapar, ayam goreng pun ada, bermainlah di safari sambil makan di sana, jadi jangan tunggu, marilah kita ke zoo, KFC idamanku selalu..."

Hail Syahida, KFC songs extraordinaire!

After looking at the house in Setia Alam, we kinda felt like it's a great place to settle, and started each other's dream of buying a house and all that when the kindergarten soars.

"Macam Nad, pergi tengok rumah dengan husband."
"Betul. Tapi Mun, aku rasa kalau aku kahwin dengan orang yang aku sayang, rumah flat pun aku tak kisah........................"
senyap seketika.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..." kitorang dua orang gelak mengalahkan setan.
"That is so tacky, man." kata aku.
"Nasib baik tak guna ayat, 'sebab dia cintakan aku'..." kata Mun.
"Kami saling mencintai..." kata aku
"Wahahaha... geli gila, rasa nak tampar." kata Mun.
"Betul. Atau bak kata Shazrina, 'Adik cintakan dia'... satu-satunya manusia yang boleh lepas guna perkataan tu cuma Quraisyah sorang je."
"Hahaha..."

Singgah TESCO, gi Petshop sebab kengkonon kat tadika nanti nak buat satu tempat untuk pets, but end up beli skirt kat kedai mamat Pakistan. Chilaker betul mamat Pakistan tu. Kitorang tanya dia berapa harga skirt tu, dia jawab RM29, lepas tu kata boleh turun harga jadi RM25 and terus masukkan skirt dalam plastik. Pastu beli mini donut, and Mun jakun seketika tengok mesin buat donut tu. Just letak dough dalam dia, then it squeezed itself to a donut shape, and terus masuk dalam minyak, and ada sudip thingy untuk keluarkan sendiri atas board. Damn genius.
 
I mean, it tasted so good, especially with the dark chocolate, I swear to God it almost felt sinful.

Balik tu, aku tengok keliling TESCO, and since it's a new place, kawasan tu kosong.
"Nampak kosong je..." kata aku.
"Apa? Hidup ko?" tanya Mun dan gelak macam setan.
Sebab saling kutuk-mengutuk, tak pasal2 sesat sampai masuk jalan nak ke Cyberjaya.

Mun bought us pashminas and khulwah (arab sweets) dari Jordan. Rasa segan pulak sebab aku tak beli apa-apa untuk diorang masa gi Singapore arituh. Hectic gila masa tuh. Didn't even find a time to browse around, except drooling over the new Mitsubishi-i. Oh my God, I so want that car, I can just die right now.

Last Friday my boss asked me to see her and said that diorang tak jadi pindah Subang Perdana and want me to go to the next step - using the system and masukkan sendiri subtitles.
"Subang Perdana seems to far for you to come." katanya.
Errr... now I don't know how to tell her I am quitting.
Maybe I can just make a deal with her, buat freelance sabtu ahad ke... aiyaiyai... why la make it hard for me to leave? I have to, man. Why not do it like CO? "Hey I'm leavin'." "Yeah, ok, whatever..." (bukan dialog sebenar)

Balik rumah, rupanya dad went to the warehouse sale again and bought more movies - some western with Charleton Heston and old "Spartacus"... and "Cold Mountain". Cool. I never watched "Cold Mountain" before.

"Ayah ko tu tak ada kerja lain. Asyik beli cd je..." kata mak.
"Mak, sile jangan kutuk ayah saya." kata aku.
Mak stressed. Hahaha.

7.30am Subang Parade.
"Wait here on Thursday too. I'll come pick you up at this TRG Fridays."
"It's TGI Fridays, dad."

8.00am otw to Bukit Kiara
"You have to watch Halloween and Saw VI. And we have the Michael Jackson thing."
"Double horror Wednesday? Aiyaiyaiyai."

10.30am, Odyssey bus
"Cathay first, then we'll go to that Michael Jackson thing, then I return to the same place and you go straight to Shaw Centre."
"Uhuh... uhuh... what?"

11.45am, Odyssey bus
"Ugh, I should have not watched "Blood Diamond" while eating in the bus."
"Stomach ache?"
"No, that bloody URF cut the boy's hand!"

1.15pm, immigration.
"Swee, you know, that officer was looking at my passport photo and looked at me and then asked for my IC. What the hell? I was just chubbier during that pic time, does he have to be so overly dramatic about it. As if I stole someone else's passport."
"Really? He didn't ask for my IC. I think he must really like my passport photo, like, oh my she is so nice and very Chinese..."
"You mean your passport photo where you look like a Jaya Jusco salesperson? Hahahaha."
Hey! I prefer CARREFOUR."

2.05pm, otw on Bukit Timah Road
"Syahida, what the hell!"
"What?"
"I'm wearing my house slippers!"
"Hahahahahahahaha...."

2.15pm, Victoria Hotel lobby
"I'm sorry, miss, but we only have one bed. Do you mind?"
"Syahida, do you mind?"
"I don't mind. But don't try anything. I'm still a virgin."
"Cheh, what la you."

2.45pm, otw to The Cathay
"Remind me to take a picture under this Waterloo St signboard."
"Why?"
"As a tribute to ABBA."
"Huh?"

3.00pm, Cathay
"Idiots...."
"Hahaha, I know, right. CVS and Marcel was right about them."
"See you later. Good luck watching whatever boring-poster movie."
"Eyh, shut up la you. You're watching Halloween."
"Ugh, I know."

4.45pm, otw to Cineleisure
"I can't fall asleep. I was watching a bloody slasher movie!"
"Man, we're too early. Wanna go check out Shaw Centre?"

Otw to Shaw Centre
"My God, we're like two drunken people."
"I just wanna crawl up and sleep down that tree."
"Oh look, there's Shaw Centre."
"Great, let's return."
"Hi miss, do you wanna join a free trial at our salon?"
"We're not locals."
"I see."
(5minutes later)
"Hi, can you tell me where..."
"Sorry, we're not locals."
"Oh, I see."
"Do we look local?"
"I guess maybe because we're superawesome."
"Pfft. Hahaha."

7pm, Cineleisure.
"The Michael Jackson guy seemed like he didn't know what to do."
"It's the carpet. He can't moonwalk there."
"I don't care. I'm poor and hungry especially after finding out that My RM60 is just worth 22 dollar here. I'm here for the free food. Heck I'm always at premieres for free food. What do I care about celebrities. Damn, shish kebabs! I want to go to there."
"Yea... and what's with events and this red pinky juice thingy?"
"It's a fruit cocktail, Swee."

7.45pm, Cineleisure entrance.
"Swee, what was it? Level 11?"
"What? What? Uhuh, yeah, I gotta go. Bye!"

8.25pm, otw to Shaw Centre
"What the fuck? Closed for construction? I don't wanna go all the way down the tunnel!"

8.35pm
"Level 11 is a carpark!"
(5 minutes later)
"Level 5 sure don't have no press previews."
(5minutes later)
"Pinat, it's Syahida."
"But you're in Singapore! Isn't it expensive?"
"I know, but by any chance do you have the address for this night's Saw thingy?"
(5minutes later)
"9pm show? Come back later."
"But the press preview will be held here, right? On level 13?"
"Mhm."
(5minutes later)
"Summarise your problem to me now."
"I found it already. It's 11 not 13. Ok Bye."

9.35pm, preview hall, Shaw Centre
"I cannot believe I am celebrating an early Halloween."
(cue screaming sound from the screen)

11.35pm
"Victoria Hotel, Uncle."
(10minutes later)
"10minutes? I have walked a 10minutes by taxi?"

12am, room 410, Victoria Hotel
"Where the hell is Swee?...."

12.45am, room 410, Victoria Hotel
"Heiiiii....."
"You made me worried, man. Why so long?"
"I'm so tired but I still have to send the photos."
"I know. I just finished a review."
"What? Already?"

1.15am, room 410, Victoria Hotel
"What the hell, now I'm wide awake."
"Me too."

6.15am, room 410, Victoria Hotel
"Sooooound straight from the twiiiiliiiiight, has me up alllll niiight, I caaaan't..."
"Ugh shut up alarm clock!!!"

9.45am, St James Power Station.
"They'll be a bit late. Kim has an eye infection."
"Coke or Sprite?"
"Sprite."
"Water with ice, please?"
"What la you, Swee. She asked you two drinks, and you add another one."
"No la, Tony. I can't take carnobated drinks this early."

10.45am, otw to Vivo City
"The eye infection is called stye? Should have called the movie "The spy with a stye"."
"Damn nice. We should use that as a news title."
"Then you have to make a separate news for Kim Ha-Neul's eye infection. I'm so glad I don't have to write any news."

12.00pm, GV
"It's an R-21 movie. Are you over 21."
"Yes."
"Let me see both of your ICs."
(2minutes later)
"Sorry, but this is a Shaw movie."
"Oh, I see...."
(whisper) "Damn he's clever."
"I know..."
"And he thinks we're under 21. I'm flattered. Hahaha."
"Probably because you're with me."
"Or probably because we're walking around with bagpacks."
"Yeah, if there's a camera with us, people might think we're in a new Amazing Race Asia."

1.10pm, Vivo City 2n floor
"Using the toilet here is horrifying."
"Eyh? Why?"
"There's no water. I can't deal with toilets that got no pipes."

1.35pm, ground floor, Vivo City
"My God, I want that Mitsubishi-i."
"I know! I wish I was rich."
"Yeah. This is so not fair. We should be rich too."

3.45pm, GV Hall 2
"Damn it Aaron Eckhart you make me cry. Stupid movie."

4.35pm, running towards taxi stand
"My God, I am sooo not going to enter the Amazing Race."
"I knoooooowwwww...."
"Especially an Amazing Race without the million dollar."

5.25pm, immigration.
"What the hell? They still look at my passport photo then look at me."
"I love my photo, so nice and like a girl from Taiwan."
"You mean your Jaya Jusco salesperson picture?"

6.00pm, otw to K Ave
"We'll be stoping at Tanjung Sempah shortly."
"Being this cabin crew is even harder than a stewardess."
"Huh?"
"They have to walk in a bus. In heels! That takes more balance than in a plane. And nobody ever drools over them or knew they exist and I don't think their salary is that much. Poor bus-stewardesses."

10pm, Suria KLCC
"How are you going back?"
"Commuter, I guess. You're going to the office tomorrow?"
Swee nods.
"Good for you. Ugh, why did I promise my boss I'll go to the office. I must be crazy. I'm so friggin tired."

12am, home.
"Meow."
"Come inside, Phibun."
"Meow."
"Stop trying to act cool. I know you missed me, stupid cat. Get in or I'll kick you."

12.45am, room.
"What the hell. I'm wide awake."