So here, I compile stuff that I've written and projects I've done in the three months I worked in editorial... except for news cuz I lost track of all of it (or bahasa mudahnye, aku malashhhhh) and I am not very fond of all the news I wrote anyway.... except for the one I wrote about Yeo Joon Han.

My movie reviews:
Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging - "...One would hope that a British comedy would have that British wit, and coming from a writer like Louise Rennison, clever dialogues would be essential. However, this reviewer perhaps has hoped too much. Georgia Nicholson is neither funny like her friends tend to believe, nor is she a 'nutter' as Robbie - the guy she's hopelessly in love with, thinks. She is indeed just fourteen, an age where you tend to believe that you are a unique soul..."

The Day the Earth Stood Still - "...Acting-wise, Keanu Reeves as Klaatu is almost believable. Not that it should be something out of the unexpected, as Klaatu is a character of no emotion or facial expression, which should be Reeves' forte (ha!)..."

Wild Child -  "...As a matter of fact "Wild Child" truly is a neither-nor movie. It's neither your regular Disney-esque tween flick, as you have Poppy teaching the other girls how to turn a good piece of dress into a semi 80s hooker get-up for boys and the occasional hints about sex. Nor it has any aggressive tone like Tina Fey's "Mean Girls", as Hollywood still wants to maintain Emma Robert's sanctity as one of the more decent IT-girls before she goes 360-degree and does a "Pretty Woman" like her aunt Julia..."

Body of Lies - "...Russell Crowe returns to the big screen, even uglier than he was in "American Gangster". As pot-bellied Southern CIA veteran Ed Hoffman, Crowe manages to portray Ed as what the character really represents - a classic neo-conservative American who believes in a great deal of U.S. Foreign Policy - that everything should go the American way or the highway, with no respect for others and constant apathy for any casualty..."

Lakeview Terrace - "..."Lakeview Terrace" is a racial thriller drama that is subtle in its presentation. I mean, it will not trigger any angry African American mob led by Al Sharpton nor would it taint Jackson's credibility. However, the movie is predictable to the core. Thirty minutes to the end and you can almost guess what would happen. The movie is very linear with no twist whatsoever..."

Twilight - "...The director is able to balance between the true essences of the book, which is Bella Swan's POV on the matter of her relationship with the deviant Edward Cullen, and at the same time she is able to construct the blind spots that exist in the movie. In this case, it's the emotions of the people around Bella that was missing from Meyer's writing, and of course the fight scene that needed to be added in order to make the movie look like one, instead of the hard copy of a novel..."

Quarantine - "...However, she starts to get better and better every minute and by the time the action starts to intensify, you can smell the fear and paranoia coming from her and it feels very real. You almost want to slap her for being so annoyingly freaked!..."

and other reviews: Burn, Flight of the Living Dead, Quand la Mer Monte, Apa Kata Hati, Arabian Nights, Mamma Mia, The Guard Post (GP506), Boys Over Flowers

My Features in CO site:
Mark the Payne - for "Max Payne"
Revamp(ire) the Romance - for "Twilight"
Not Everybody Lies - for "Body of Lies"
Earthlings, Stay Still! - for "The Day the Earth Stood Still"

My Features for microsite projects:
Max Payne Microsite ("Maximising Payne", "Mark the Payne")
I did this one with almost no contact at all with the Design Team because it was my first microsite and there I was, a complete moron about anything microsite-ish...
IGOR Microsite ("Never IGnORe the IGOR")
This was done quite laju because I read the deadline wrong. I love the Cast and Character part because without needing to explain to Zim how I picture the setting of the pictures, he made the arrows just the way I want it.
Twilight Microsite ("Revamp(ire) the Romance")
I don't feel like I did anything for this since the feature is the same one for CO site. The only addition is the cast and characters. But I'm glad for the fact that Cinema Online helped in 'mempercepatkan' "Twilight" punya release in Malaysia from the supposed March 2009 to December to US release of 27 November through Zee's meddling with Tayangan Unggul (the distributor). I was in no part of the 'heroic' attempt though, as much as Zee keep telling me, cuz he just doesn't want to be the only 'guy' who saved "Twilight", so he pulled me into it.
Australia Microsite ("Nicole Down Under")
This was the most controversial microsite due to all the hoohahs and clashes, and me and the Design team were in moody disposition because we were pushed by deadlines and misunderstandings, and invisible worklist. Which leads to that 'Belasah Kat Simpang' scene by Maria and Zim that cracks me up. But we control our stress by singing "Hey Jude" sesuka hati dalam opis itu. 
Histeria Microsite ("Histeria Frenzy", "Mainstream Lee")
This is the most fun (and most tiring) project. I spent more time on this one since it was my last project, from feature to wordings on superbanner, and I think Zim also put his heart and soul into it because it's also his last design (the whole week we kept pestering each other with work that I think we started to annoy each other). And the result is so awesome. Check out the Cast and Character section. Three hours to get that!

Miscellaneous:
Gallery - "Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak" (launching of "JPBC")
Cinnamon's Diary - "MBO - My Big Outing" (launching of MBO Terminal 2, Seremban)
Zee & Swee did half of it, so the fact that there's my pic with Cinnamon has nothing to do with me. I am not interested in showing my butt in my company's website.
Interview - "Maximum Musical Impact" (sneak preview for "Impak Maksima The Musical"

I just haven't had the chance to do HOME CINEMA, and my last intention to get to do an interview with Nabil Raja Lawak before I quit tak kesampaian... Wahi thought it would be great if I can get him before I leave. It would draw the Malay crowds cuz he's big and everything. Maybe I can ask from Mai (Harian Metro) his contact, and if she doesn't have it, mebbe I can get Zizan's number instead... but oh well... it's not like my ultimate dream or anything. Pointless task. Aku pun semakin hari semakin malas, tak ada perasaan nak buat apa-apa interesting. Got lots of movie details to be translated, at least finish till January dan yang selebihnya tu pandai2la mereka...

Yosh!!! (clap clap ala Jepun) Let's get on to life after 18th. Hey, if anybody needed any writer/translator, tell them there's a girl called Syahida Kamarudin or formerly known as Shai Laden who can do em. I do ->
Movie reviews, Feature writing, Cerpen, Proofing dissertations, Political articles, Movie-related articles, Socio-political Observation, Crap about People, Any translation from BM-BI, BI-BM, Jokes column pun boleh gak, Any bashing, criticism, things that make people love to hate me, or hate to love me, Biography and anecdotes, book reviews
All in english and Malay, except for proofing dissertations, itu Bahasa Melayu sahaja.

Err... I don't do fashion, lifestyle, health and loft-living though. I'm extremely bad at that. Ha!

Do you know certain thing that... at first you were like soooo into it, find it all interesting and mystical and whatever crap that is, and later on find that it ceased to amaze?

Yup, that 'it' is me. Haha. I just found out from friend A (let's call her Wanita Melayu 1) that she thought that I was this hardcore chick who has this antisocial-like aura, you know, cuz I'm all 'sarcastic" and everything (pfft, like it's cool to be one)... something like Katrina Stratford, or Juno for that matter. Then realised that I too have human need... like, a new Boho gown for example, and thinks that I am not unique.

Okay, for future notice, I never was unique. I'm annoying and sometimes too critical. Let's stop there. Love me just the way I am... you know, like Mark Darcy or something... Bridget Jones-ey.

People think it's fun being sinis and that it's some sort of a 'gift'. It's not. Sometimes when you said something honest, or trying to compliment people, people look at you and think you're being sarcastic. And you know how tired I am, trying to tell people that "No, I am really complementing your work!" while they look at you with that doubtful look thinking that you're just being sarcastic? All your facial expression are defined as 'hostile' and all your smile are interpreted as 'smirks'. At times I wasn't even think about being cynical nor sarcastic, but people just go "Oh I know, you must be thinking how stupid I am for saying that..." Seriously, I'm NOT! Sometimes I don't even think about anything and people will be all hostile and say things like, "You think you're so cool being all sarcastic like it's kind of a uniqueness?"

For the love of Salmon Skillet Spaghetti, IT IS NOT!

So since my cuti telah ditolak oleh office sekalipun dah resign (which I don't really care but it bugs people around me because they never heard of such thing... and to my gramma just sounds like my excuse for not staying longer. Sorry uwan, I really am), my Raya Haji was not celebrated with much enthusiasm. See, people don't understand. They think Aidil Fitri is the BIG one cuz we all fast 30days (or not.... menurut pada pemahaman Islamisasi masyarakat moden yang tehapehape ni kan...) and so have to celebrate it like tongkang pecah and everything. But for me, Raya Haji means more. It signifies the Hajj and Qurban. Two different thing that sort of combined into one. And yet we only got one day off and slept all the way through...

Or maybe that's just me.

The thing is, this raya haji my dad buat korban nazar, since Aying got a job finally, and a good one at that... but it became all hectic and everything because of the non-stop rain, with dad screaming and Aying's temper rise to the max because people kept repeating stuff about the Qurban that they already knew. And I was celebrating Raya Haji in a chalet in Langkawi when suddenly some people from the office came and asked me what do I mean in my MSN Messenger when I said "YES". And then I realised it was all a dream and that at 10am I am still on my bed while everybody else semua dah mandi dan siap cantik-cantik. 

Got to see Ejal, who now can sing the full version of "Ayah Dan Ibu"... just a little obstacle at pronunciation of the line "Itulah pengorbanan kami" in which he sang as "Itulah pehohanan kami..."

Talk about Hari Raya Korban, I was reading KOSMO today (the paper, not the mag) and found this one article about celebrities definition of Korban (sacrifice). Everybody was yapping about family and stuff and suddenly I read a statement by Dafi.
"Dafi ingat lagi masa Dafi tingkatan lima dan Dafi menyertai kelas piano. Ibu bapa Dafi minta Dafi berhenti untuk tumpukan pelajaran untuk SPM dan Dafi akur. Itu pun kira pengorbanan jugak kan?"
No, idiot. That's called 'being rational'. Of coursela kena tumpukan pada SPM... piano tu boleh tolong otak ko jadi pandai ke? Ko ingat kau sape? Bach and Beethoven? Chopin? Don't make up dramatic stories about the definition of sacrifice sempena Raya Haji if you don't understand it nor having any REAL hardcore sacrifice to talk about. 

Then summore,
"Selama ni tak faham sangat fasal raya haji ni, tapi sekarang rasa seronok meraikannya."
Shai's remarks and expression -> ".........................(=_=)"
Aye, the number of dumbasses are increasing by every breathing second....

MSN messenger is maddening. Due top its stupidity, I kept getting messages later than usual (and when I say late I mean, chat today, message from other person received three days later), messages that didn't come out and sometimes it led to an extremely horrifying incidents, like saying different thing and making the other person understand a different thing because the second message did not appear.

I am soo not using the damn thing after this!

Kata aku,

"Pemahamannya ialah dengan sistem ni, you can succeed. Kalau nak sukses, you must work with the system. Tapi apa yang orang tak faham ialah, bukan aku tak nak bekerja under a system. Tapi aku bukan nak sukses. Sukses bukan main priority aku. Aku buat sesuatu sebab aku suka untuk buat sesuatu tu. Kalau aku ni nak diibaratkan dalam western perspective, melalui analogy, samalah macam seorang lelaki yang bekerja freelance, dan habiskan masanya dengan minum arak dan merokok. Cuma bezanya aku orang Islam, aku ada tujuan hidup, tapi tujuan hidup aku tu bukan worldly success.

Senang kata, destination aku bukan itu. I don't drive straight to victory. Aku tak nak terus bawak kereta, drive straight dan sampai. Aku nak memandu kereta, kadang-kadang bawak basikal, then jalan kaki sekejap, stop, ambik bas... dalam perjalanan tu aku nak tengok waterfall, nak tengok matahari, bukit-bukau and kalau ada orang ajak aku masuk makan kat restoran mewah dalam hotel dengan free, aku ikut. Success tu bukan destination, just one of the things yang ada di persimpangan jalan, macam papan tanda, kalau ada orang jemput masuk, aku ikut. Kalau tak, aku jalan terus. 

Sistem tu untuk orang yang nak berjaya. Tapi 'berjaya' ikut fahaman kita lain. Aku tak pernah nak jadi kaya, walaupun yelah, kadang-kadang kita membebel kenapalah rumah aku tak sebesar rumah orang tu, tapi itu sekadar cakap suka-suka. Aku satisfied dengan hidup aku. Aku cuma nak happiness."

Kata Munira,

"Yelah, success tak sepatutnya dijadikan destination. Sebab kalau itu yang jadi destinasi akhirnya kalau tak dapat apa-apa, kita jadi kecewa. Tapi tulah, kadang-kadang apa yang kita nak tu, kena pulak fikir orang lain. Keluarga yang nak ditanggung, hati orang yang nak dijaga."

---

Sweei says: your bro picking u up?
s.Ha.i says: yup. dats why I'm stuck herrrre
Sweei says: aiya. i'm taking bus today
s.Ha.i says: ahahaha... kite takde jodoh, like i takde jodoh with the toilet
Sweei says: HAHAHAHHA
s.Ha.i says: or with zee (since the only day he came in is the day i got press prvw)
Sweei says: so true
s.Ha.i says: or with wahi, or with azizee
s.Ha.i says: daym, i got no jodoh at all
Sweei says: AHAHAHA

The jodoh thing is an inside joke between me, Swee and Kak Ani. It's the word I use to mean that there is always an obstacle between me and the entity involved. Like "Takda jodoh dengan toilet" involves the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME that I wanted to use the toilet, there will be another person inside the bathroom. It's like a sick universe game. "Wah, Shai needs to pee, let's make it more fun and let Melissa and Penny wants to go take a leak at the same time so that when Shai goes to the toilet, the door's locked. Let's make this more exciting. Let the tank water coming in slowly."

Takde jodoh dengan Swee means that each time that she needs to go home by bus would be the day my brother picks me up. Or suddenly her friend would come to the office instead, or one of us got a night outtrip. We never seem to walk to the LRT together.

Takda jodoh dengan IZZI
Well, the day the office got year-end lunch gathering at IZZI is the day Zim and I already left the building. Drats. Sajela tu tak nak kasi kitorang join (wahahaha, fitnah ofis namanya ni...)

Takde jodoh dengan Wahi
Every time there's some bulk of sinema stuff to proof, it wud be the day he got outtrips. And since usually his outtrip involves Kak Mai, it means I'm out of two proofers.

Takde jodoh dengan Azizee
Well, Swe kept saying "Oh, you will love him." But I saw the Thai political secretary first, so when I met Azizee I told Swe that "Nope, did nothin for me." and Swe believes that is because I saw the Thai hottie first and it clouded my judgement. Yearrrright.

Takde jodoh dengan maggi kari
I just hate maggi kari, that's all.

---

"Many go to Hajj with their bodies; few take their minds & reasoning. One therefore must go to the Hajj with their minds & experience it in their hearts.The Hajj is not a journey of going; it is a journey of returning. The pilgrim is not going to Makkah, he is returning to his source, Allah. Selamat menyambut Eidul Adha al-Mubaraq."

Thursday was a weird day. I came to the office realising that the two males in ed team is on MC, while Swe went for an interview with "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" director. It was like, crap. Y yo solamente... with two outtrips, and Maria also on leave. And Zim started to go on his can-you-proof frenzy, going "Syahida can you proof the contest" and "Syahida can you proof the write-up". Hahaha.

Yup, you thought you would not face the same thing you face during your time in admin because you got a team in ed... apatah lagi when you only have another 8 working days to go. But nnnnnnope. Weirdly enough I was not stressed out at all. Maybe because I don't have to care! Haha. What? Bos marah? I don't care. Spill overs? I still don't care!

Ah, the beauty of being an outcast.

When Swe returned, we kinda did the Barney. You know... "I proof you, you proof me, we're a happy family..." I was working like crazy from 10 to 12.30 cuz Kak Mai said that I need to go for Brainscan press preview, but then Wahi SMSed Swe saying that he's going albeit the sakit perut thing and everything.


I am living and being raised by a bunch of weirdos, and I love it!

Shai: Sakitnya kepala aku. Bangun tido je dah sakit kepala. Biasanya orang yang bangun sakit kepala ni orang yang minum arak malam sebelumnya je.
Mak: Kan ko minum arak semalam. Air kelapa kat pasar malam semalam tu kan air arak. Air tu diarak dari rumah ke dalam van, dan diarak dari dalam van ke pasar...
Shai: Mak ada rase-rase nak dapat anak derhaka tak?

Shai: Esok kena jumpe Marcel, discuss fasal keje sume, gaji sume sume tuh. Pastu dia kata time nila kalau nak tanya ape-ape soalan. Puas dah fikir, tak tau nak tanye ape... tapi kang kalau tak tanye kang kurang informasi plak...
Mom: Cubela tanye.... (Shai mengangkat muke ingin mendengar cadangan bondanya yang bijak laksana) .... "Encik, cerita CJ7 tuuu, cerita alien ke cerita manusia?"
Shai: Mak! Apa kena-mengena pulak...
Mom: Yelah, mak confuse, cerita orang ke cerita alien...
Shai: Apekah kelogikannye soalan itu pada kerjaya ku? (while mom laugh)

Ayah: (while watching the weather forecast) Esok nak pegi Tawaulah
Semua: HAH?!
Ayah: Tempat lain semua hujan, Tawau je yang cerah. Nak gi sidai kain kat Tawau.

Aying: Kalau Aying dapat gaji nanti, Aying beli tv ni daripada mak. Aying tanak beli tv baru, Aying nak beli tv ni, biar mak tak dapat tengok tv, asyik tengok tv je.
Mak: Mana boleh beli semata-mata nak dengki kat mak.
Aying: Biarlah. Aying nak menegakkan kebenaran yang basah (gabungan 'menegakkan kebenaran' dengan 'menegakkan benang yang basah')

Shai: Pastu habis bateri dek kamera ni ter-on sendiri. Dahla aku beli mahal, enam ringgit lapan....
Kaklong: Tula yang cepat habis tu, murah sangat... enam ringgit dapat lapan
Shai: Wah, lawaknye kakak aku ni... rase nak tampor

Shai: Rasa best kan, bersin lepas lama tak bersin? Macam berak selepas beberapa hari tak berak, macam kentut lepas beberapa jam sakit perut?
Aying: Macam pelangi selepas hujan

Shai: Mak, the cool word is esemes, not S-M-S.
Mak: Lantakla, cool ke tak cool ke.
Aying: Hmph, mak ni macam the frog under coconut shell. Hahaha.

Ayah: (regarding the crazy woman driver who passed him and nearly hit the car). Agaknya dia nak terberak sangat kot. Kalau tadi memang betul dia langgar kereta ayah, pastu bagi alasan sebab dia sakit perut nak terberak, ayah jerit kat situ, BERAK SEKARANG!

Regarding Maria Tunku Sabri in "Jalan-Jalan Cari Makan"
Ayah: Itu makan ke mentekedarah tu?
Mak: Biarlah. Sebab tu orang amik dia jadi host.

Mak: Kedai yang potong seluar kat Giant tu kat mana?
Ayah: kat luar tu je, kat deret2 kedai. Perkhidmatan Potong Seluar. Dia macam potong ayamla. Dia kata dia potong seluar je, dia tak kata jahit sekali.

There are only dua lagu yang dinyanyikan semula yang aku betul-betul suka. First is "Isabella", that was dinyanyikan semula Jamal Abdillah, Amy Search. Saleem Iklim and Zamani Slam. I love it, cuz you have four different sound in one song. You got soul in Saleem, you got 80s rock in Amy, you got 90s pop rock from Zamani and you got Jamal's manly man drugs-or-no-drugs-I-am-the-real-'WORLD' voice.

Then you got 'Kepadamu Kekasih'. Boy, I LOOOOOOOVE this song just for the fact that it has double meanings. I mean, it is so straight to the point and yet so meaningful that you can just cry listening to it (yup, I'm saying this in a poyo way). And again, you got Jamal and his manly man drugs-or-no-drugs-I-am-the-real-'WORLD' voice (yup, i just copy paste this word from the paragraph above cuz I'm damn lazy), Hattan's nasally-but-soulful sound and of course, M.Nasir - who would win any contest on the most droolworthy voice ever, hands on. I mean, come on... the guy dun even need to try. He just sang one line and that's all it takes, I mean, he got the most important line out of the song anyway...

And from the choice of singers, it's like M.Nasir was saying "These are the only singers I think worth my time". Hahaha.   

Kepadamu Kekasih, Aku berserah, Kerana ku tahu Kau yang lebih mengerti, apa yang tersirat di cermin wajahku ini, apa yang tersirat di hati, bersama amali
Kepadamu Kekasih, Aku bertanya, Apakah Kau akan menerima ku kembali, atau harus menghitung lagi, segala jasa dan bakti, atau harus mencampakku ke sisi, tanpa harga diri
Kepadamu Kekasih, aku tinggalkan, jawaban yang belum ku temukan, yang bakal aku nantikan, bila malam menjemputku lena beradu
Kepadamu Kekasih, Aku serahkan, Jiwa dan raga jua segalanya, Apakah Kau akan menerima penyerahan ini, Apakah Kau akan menerimaku, dalam keadaan begini




Ye, ye, aku mengaku. I got nothing to update but tangan gatal nak apdet....

Haha, I'm scared of Maria and Zim. Just now when they were standing behind Penny and ask about worklists, with Maria's hand in her pocket and Zim folding the newspaper slowly, it has that scary aura like two crooks nak belasah orang dekat simpang. Ngahahahahaha. 

Malam ini bulan dan bintang tersenyum.

There I was, feeling bengang and all stressed up. And then Mun sent an SMS saying that the moon and the stars are smiling. So I went out, and look upon the sky. And there it is, the crescent moon... shaped upward, looking like a huge smile, and two stars shining above it turning into two bright eyes. And it's looking down at me and smile.

And I -together with Phibun the cat by my side- smiled back at it.

Then Tim called and said the same thing.
So I sent an SMS to Swe, "If you look outside to the sky, there's a moon and two stars smiling back at you" in which she answered;
"Awh, no moon or stars outside at all... is this a scam to get my arse off da computer chair? hehe"

Then I keyed in this SMS to Zee;
"Yo drunkard, if you look at the sky right now, you'll see the moon smiling..." and then backspaced the SMS thinking people who are drunk at the moment would see their own stars inside their head, so that would be a pointless SMS.

And there I go sending SMS to people to look at the sky and look at the universe smiling and saying 'hi' to human beings down here, but then nobody replied nor interested to go and take a look and it dawned upon me that not everybody wants to say 'Hi' back to the moon, that it's a pointless task and that's just me and my friends romantic notion about the universe.   

And it's funny, because in reality, we are more realistic. Tim, the 'in-your-face' no nonsense teacher, Munira the businesswoman, Shai the sarcastic writer and Nadiah the mother to be. But when it comes to appreciating the beauty of the galaxy, we are the romantics.

Sayangnyaa, terlampau jauh untuk amik gambar

Sweei says: hehee, wonder how that image of the moon smiling and stuff looks like
Sweei says: crescent moon must be
shai says: yup. the crescent was facing upward, so it looked liek a little smile
shai says: n then there're two stars way up a bit, so it looked like two eyes
Sweei says: HAHAHAHA
Sweei says: awhhh
shai says: my fren sms  me just to tell me that. it's like little universe saying 'hi all'. akakaka
Sweei says: i tot the stars might be at the end of the crescent point...like smiling with a hint of sparkle!
Sweei says: hehe, have a lil hope is the hidden msg..and not to quit CO
shai: haha, nice try
Sweei says: yeap, those are the two important msg to take note
Sweei says: if you don't amalkan that advice...oh mann,, i dont' know what to say =P
shai says: dream on. resignation letter sent, confirmation of resignation letter received. 11 days to go

Sometimes I think some people still don't understand the MAIN POINT and OBJECTIVE of ME resigning.
I wanna finish this novel. See?
FINISH...... THIS..... NOVEL.....
In which part of the word 'fulltime' and 'novelist' can't they understand? Stop treating me like I'm some kind of a retard who can't think of how to take care of my own life.

Please put a little bit of faith in me. Just a little bit. Believe in what I can do, instead of worrying whether or not I'll bring home the dough. They say that the night is the darkest just before the dawn. If you cannot stand the dark, there are other lights. But do not pull me away from the dark because I wanna find my own light. I don't want to keep on standing under other people's lamps. Let me feel the darkness. I need to feel the darkness.

It's hard when your own think that you cannot do this. So afraid that I would turn out like my dad. I don't wanna turn out to be like dad, and that's the reason I'm doing this. I've seen dad putting his heart and soul 9-5 into something that nobody ever seem to care. I've seen him working day and night, and sometimes return home at dawn just to get a bit of dough in the end of the day. I can see him broken inside even though he didn't say it, knowing that he has a potential that he had to sacrifice for the sake of a wife and kids.
 
I don't wanna do that, I don't want his life to become mine. I appreciate what dad has done, and that's why i want to live my life the way I want it. I don't want people giving me classified ads about jobs when I don't want it. If I wanna do that I would do it myself, ask for it myself. I am NOT doing something for the sake of today and tomorrow. The choice of job that I applied, the choice of things I would turn to if things don't go my way are already certain. I have my plan. I am not a kid anymore.

Every time that people worry about the rate I'm going will only become the bane in my life.

Put a little bit of faith in me. Life is hard. Don't tell me things I already know. Maybe they do not know what I have been through. I know how the real world works. I have been rejected, I have been looked down at, I have been judged based on the outside, I have been neglected. I have felt all of it. I have been told I'm not good looking enough for this, or people do not like this kind of things that I wrote, or I'm not clever enough to do this kind of work, or that's a stupid idea. I proved them wrong, didn't I?

I am trying to work my own life, not a life I'm a part of, that I will have to leave when I finally meet my other half.

Put a little bit of faith in me. 

In a lighter note,
aksi says: haha, for some reason me too!
saksi says: and I wanna watch losdanfaun. but if i have to go to the cinema again, Imma puke
Sweei says: 0_o
Sweei says: kesiannn, seelah, go to so many press previews..hehehe
saksi says: i mean, two weeks ago... Arabian Nghts. Then Bombay Dreams, then Quarantine, then Wild Child, then Body of Lies, then Twilight, then Body of Lies then Lakeview Terrace. my dad is starting to doubt me, thinking I've been seeing a guy cuz 've been watching too many movies in two weeks time
saksi says: and then there's The day the earth stood still on fri
saksi says: the funny thing is dat the ones that i really wanna watch is still unwatchable
Sweei says: huh??? really? owh, i tot you did wanna watch twilight
Sweei says: wahaha, dad doubting you. that's funny man
Sweei says: tsktsk, anak yang tak baik sneaking off with some guy to watch a movie kononye "press preview"
saksi says: yeah, he looked at me with the "Are you dating some sort of punk with big dragon tattoo on his arm and smoke pot that I will never meet?" face
Sweei says: WOH! yeah!!!
saksi says: I mean, even if I'm sixteen and has all those crappy teenage angst thing going on, i wudnt even wanna do dat. akakakaka....
Sweei says: hehe, it's okay
Sweei says: ya never know , you just might end up doing it
saksi says: dragon tattoo and POT? why RU praying that for me for?

So today I went to GSC Mid Valley (again!)....
Hmmm... let me count... "Bombay Dreams" on Saturday, "Wild Child" on Wednesday, "Body of Lies" on Thursday, and "Lakeview Terrace" today. I think the Bangladeshi guy in the WESTERN CUISINE part of the Food Court must have recognise my face by now.... the 'Salmon Skillet Spaghetti' girl....

So, went there with Tim and Mun. But the story today bukan fasal the movie, but on what happen after the movie. So, after cruising through the art exhibition, Mun decided that she's too hungry to wait till she's home and so, yup... Western Cuisine Food Court again... as we were eating, suddenly then there's this guy with a sling bag came and asked our permission to sit down.

Well, guy in sling bag... meet Shai, Tim dan Mun.

Guy: Kak, boleh saya mintak pinjam dua minit sekejap tak untuk buat sikit pengumuman.
Tim: Sile, sile.
Shai: Duduklah.
Guy: (duduk) Okay, kak. Dalam beg ni saya ada sesuatu. Saya mintak bila saya bukak ni akak sume jangan jerit pulak.
Mun: Ko nak keluarkan apa ni? Aku ada pisau ni...
Guy: Ala kak, janganlah kak. Takde, benda ni bukan ular ke apa ke. Tapi tadi masa saya keluarkan dekat akak-akak yang dekat sana tadi diorang semua jerit-jerit. Benda ni bukan terkam akak ke ape ke, tapi dia boleh melekat dekat muka, dan susah nak buang kalau dah melekat.
Mun: Apa benda ko nak tunjuk kat kitorang ni. Tensionla aku.
Guy: Okay. Macam ni kak. (keluarkan minyak wangi Ralph Lauren)
Shai: Ooh, ingatkan amende
Guy: Minyak wangi ni dulu popular kak, tapi sekarang Ralph Lauren nak keluarkan edisi baru, jadi kita nak buat stock clearance ni. Dekat Singapura laris minyak wangi ni, kak. Orang Singapura suka pakai sebab bau dia bau tropical, kan...
Tim: Tapi kita orang Malaysia. Kita pakai minyak wangi pasar malam je.
Guy: (laugh) Takde, kak. Orang Malaysia pun suka. Dulu harga sebenar dia RM250. Lepas tu cuba akak teka harga dia berapa sekarang? (sambil spray the perfume to our hands)
Mun: Sepuluh ringgit
Guy: ....................................... kak, itu bukan stock clearance namanya kak. Itu dah jual lelong tu.
Mun: Tadi kata suruh teka.
Guy: Ok, dulu kita jual RM80, tapi sekarang kita jual laagi murah kak.
Guy 2: Hi semua. Peace. (tunjuk tiga jari)
Guy: ha, ni kawan saya, dia pun jual tadi laris jugak.
Shai: Peace ada dua jari je, dik.
Guy 2: Oh ye ke, okay peace. (dua jari)
Mun: Pakai 4 la, dapat dua peace (sambil tunjuk peace guna 4 jari)
Guy 2: oh ha'a eh, bagus jugak tu. Peace! (empat jari)
Guy : (tension) OOOOkay.... semua ni sekarang RM50 pun tak sampai. Cuba akak semua teka berapa harga dia. Akak?
Mun: Entahlah, tak tau.
Guy: Akak teka berapa?
Tim: Entah, ko bagitau jela aku.
Guy: Akak pulak?
Shai: (geleng)
Guy: Sekarang RM49.90!
Mun: Hellllleh, setakat seposen je kurang dari RM50....
Guy: Tapi kalau akak takda duit sekarang, esok kita ada lagi kak. Ni saya tadi datang bawak 15 kotak, macam kingkong berjalan dengan beg penuh, sekarang cuba akak tengok berapa yang tinggal (tunjuk beg, tinggal 1 kotak je)
Shai: Baguslah.
Guy: Jadi akak semua nak tak?
Mun: Takpela, dik. Lain kali aje.
Guy: Okla kalau macam tu. Tapi kalau akak semua ni ubah fikiran esok kita still jual lagi dekat store Ralph Lauren kita. Terima kasih ya, kak
Tim: Okay.

(Guy left)
Shai: Baru aku perasan, muka dia macam Along Raja Lawak
Mun: Nak jual perfume. Aku ada RM20 je dalam dompet.
(later)
Shai: Oh, tadi dia kata 'jangan jerit', dia ingat kita ni spesis yang suka brand la kot, tengok barang Ralph Lauren harga murah terus giddy giddy teruja nak beli.
Tim: Ooo, baru aku paham. Aku ingat dia nak jual permainan ular dalam botol ke.
Shai: Kalau dia jual ular dalam botol dengan harga sepuluh ringgit, instead of Ralph Lauren, mungkin aku beli.

Haha..... tension je mamat tu jual barang. Salah crowd la, dik.

New blog song! "Oooooooo begini raaasanyaaaaaaa...."

Now.... what have I been doing this week...

On Saturday I went to watch "Bombay Dreams" with Mun. I mean, hell, why does the title has to sound so corny when the movie is actually Swedish and nice. The title souds like an Akshay Kumar film with Bipasha Basu and Priyanka Chopra. In saying this, I am meaning to say 'B-grade'.

Then the chief writer found out that he LOVES "Twilight", but in some weird manly man I-don't-give-vampire-romance-4-stars-cuz-I'm-a-man issue, asked me to go review the movie and then question my giving 3.5 stars to it. Haha. That's so fun to do, even Swe was annoyed by the fact that I threepointfive-star-ed the movie. But the gala night was a fun night indeed. Most of CO staff were there, and we take pics together and everything. Swe tumpang my car to CLD and thinks I got one fun family. Yuppp, one lawyer yang loyar buruk, and one brother who likes to be all dramatic about traffic jams. And the fact that we sang Faizal Tahir's "Sampai Syurga" as loud as possible in the car. And I had to explain who Saw Teong Hin is to SWE and Shirley.

Honestly though? I'll go for Jacob instead of Cullen. I mean, he's so pale and all vampiry and all 'i'm-too-sexy-for-my-fangs'. We loves em Cherokees, don't we?

Ah, phooey. I don't talk like that. Like I said, I hate Bella. I understand her and the way she thinks too much. Human beings and characters from a novel should have boundaries.   

Then, because I wanna have fun writing a review, i went to "Wild Child' press screening, cuz I know I will hate it. The next day I went to "Body of Lies" and let me tell you one thing. Seeing Leonardo Di Caprio in shalwar kameez, ketayap and beard and speaks Arabic makes me wanna love him more, and seeing his wearing all those stuff and kill some Arabs, makes me wanna kill him also. And what's with the hitting on Muslim girl with 'Assalamualaikum'? Hello, that might be original in Hollywood, but in Malaysia, only mat rempits do that... you know, the "Assalamualaikuuum, tak jawab dosaaaaa...."  

It's already the end of November, and we got a school reunion this December. Hell. I mean, I don't hate my school. But it's SRK Raja Muda, and I got Sani who is now an engineer in Germany, Budiman who is an aircraft engineer, Ezrin who married anak menteri, a bunch of other kids who now live in Australia, and all the big big life thing.

Syahida is a writer-reporter, who would turn into 'JUST' a writer two days prior to the reunion, has no driving license, just realised today that her slippers dah koyak, wears ugly pink t-shirt (which is sooo not me) because she's out of stuff to wear, no possibility of marriage in near future, no possibility of career enhancement in near future, and whose english has turned uglier by every breathing moment.

Why the hell did dad send me to that school? We should have just go all marhaen and throw me into a school filled with anak-anak kerani and not put me in a class with Tengkus and daughters of CEO Kumpulan Perangsang.

I can just make up excuses, you know. Like, "Oh, I got an event to go", or "Oh, I broke a leg", or "Oh, the universe is out to get me, so I have to stay indoors and not go to any reunion". But who am I kidding, eyh? If I am going to be working from home, might as well socialise more. And we're talking primary school friends here. I do want to see them. Weirdly enough, my schoolmate Sheha and Zim from my office are friends.

It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, and it bugs me soooooo.... 

YAY, NAD BALIK DARI MESIR ESOK!!!!!

Conversation of the Day

"Yeah, cuz God love us, that's why He made us with curves. HE hates men, that's why He made all of you look like a poll with an extra pipe"  
"Tanpa paip itu, semua air longkang ntah nak alir pi mana la kak. hahahhaha"
"See, a poll would always think about where the air longkang will go. cuz them got no space for brain to function. haha. Thou shalt be pitied" 

Going to office every day feels like a weird karma. If I am happy today, the next day would be a total crap. If I am bored today, tomorrow it's whether a total boredome that i felt like shooting myself in the head with a Kalashnikov, or it got so interesting I don't wanna go home.

Every single day I will get out of the car, and have this heavy dreary feeling inside my heart. It's like entering a Twilight Zone. What's behind door number one! Oh, today we may have a drama, where everybody is pissed off, Kak Ani refused to eat, Zee got so busy proofing that he didn't realise what's going on, and everybody talk in whispers and making others felt uncomfortable. The boss thinks you've been doing a crap job over the months. You got loads of things to finish and everybody kept calling your name asking for it to be done quickily. Awal Ashaari didn't answer your call, and there's nothing in the pantry to eat.

OR

You opened the door, Kak Ani laughs cheerfully telling you your allowance is ready, the boss skips around, Zee kept trying to pick a fight with you out of some weird entertainment, everybody's laughing hysterically over a video on youtube, Ria and Zim humming to Beatles song while Wahi makes perverse jokes. The boss thinks you've been doing a good job over the months. And all you have is a review and the usual codings. Yeo Joon Han answers your email and you realise there's a Maggi Tomyam on the shelf.

A day in the life of moi goes like this.

Waking up at 6.00am, listening to azan Subuh and fell asleep. Then solat Subuh and bathe only to wake up and realise that it's all a dream. Cursing your head for playing with you, get up, take ablution, solat Subuh and fell asleep atas sejadah and wake up thinking, "Yearrrright, nak habiskan Surah Yusuf konon...." Crawls unto bed, look at the time on the celly.

"Cool. 6.40am. More time for sleep." and doze off to never-neverland. Wake up, take a bath, put on lotion and then the alarm blast off and you woke up.

And goes, "Stupid fucking dream! Stop messing with my head. I hate dreaming about taking bath in the morning. It's cold, and I had to do it again? For real?"

Got on into the bathroom, try to find toothbrush with eyes closed, had a momentary  menung-pagi where spend time watching black ants running away from running waters, take a bath (dratsfuckingcoldisowishI'mrichandhavewaterheaterFUCKCOLD!!!). Find something to wear,  chose to wear baju kurung (again), lotion, powder, face powder, then stop and think.... "Eyeliner?"
"Naaah, pointless."

Turun bawah, drink a cup of tea, remembered that the hairclip is upstairs, grumbles as getting up the stairs to get it, clip the hair and wishing it won't be like yesterday when the clip unclipped itself in the bus and you had to hold your chignon from falling. Find the tudung, then scowl at Phibun for trying to drag your kain with his teeth, and as you walk towards the mirror to wear your tudung, the stupid cat was dragged together because he still refuse to let go of your kain. Pinjam kerongsang kaklong thinking she's gonna be so pissed off for this, but hey, big sister must always let the little sister use her stuff. It's the circle of life.

Play 'find-your-father'. He may be in the shower, reading the newspaper in front of the glassdoor, smoking outside while putting his hand on his hip and looking away towards never neverland, or just plain missing. Salam and cium tangan mak, sarung kasut, masuk dalam kereta, bukak ERA. Taking out the strawberry lipgloss, thinks lips not dry enough, decided not to smear it.

ERA plays the same boring puke-worthy MATA song again, so change to 104.9. Dad makes fun of the car in front, or curse the car in front, or both. Dad saw something funny, make a quick witty retort about it, laugh laugh laugh, make a u-turn, pass the LRT KJ, arrive in front of the office. Saw Wahi and Zim ready to lit up his ciggy, he saw my dad and hides his ciggy box inside the postbox, while Zim went MIA suddenly. Cium tangan dad, went out, says Good Morning to them, and panjat tangga.

What's behind door number one today....