"You're still doing the job for the office?!" the friend ask.
"Sampai bila, Shai?" the blogger once nag.
"Life's a bitch." says the guy in Stephen King's novel.
"I got no life." I once told Firdaus.
Seriously. I think what I really need is a life. A real selfish life. A story. A drama. Of my own. Yup, Fariz was right (somewhere out there, Farizzet goes "Huh? Who say my name?" Ha.). I need to just open the gate. I need to get hurt. I need to be saved from all this comfortable position I am in and to be pushed down the jagged edge. I need to throw away all my hostility, my jaket keselamatan, my hair.
Huh? My hair?
I need a haircut. And I don't mean shoulder-length layered hairstyle like I did last time when I say I need change. i mean, a REAL haircut. Boy-cut. Cut away all the Rapunzels, do a Fraulein Maria hairdo, feel the breeze kissing my neck. My hair is my safety net. It represents everything that I don't want to deal with. I know that. I don't want to cut it short because I am scared that I would love it so much that I don't want to have my hair long again. Or I'm scared that i would hate it so much that I would regret cutting it. I'm scared that if I cut my hair, people will see the scars behind my neck, or the fact that I have chubby cheek, or that I got big ears or any weaknesses that may or may not be there. I'm scared that if I cut it short it would be uncomfortable to wear a tudung, or that I may need to wear anak tudung. I'm scared it might make me pretty, as much as I'm scared that it might make me ugly.
I am too comfortable at the moment.
I have done my own leap of faith with my career. I am now what I wanna do. I once wrote an essay when I was in Form 3, that "I want to become a freelance writer." I am now. I am blessed, that God grant my wish. (I also said one day Imma marry someone from a different country/race, but the last time I met a Norwegian, I knew that was a stupid wish. Retract. Haha). I need to do the same with my personal life. I. Need. A. New. Chapter.
Like my novel.
This is the problem when you got too much time to think. I also have consistency issue. I mean, I can be very determined when i want to, but I got no istiqamah. I said I wanted to quit. Voila, I did quit. I said I won't do any freelance for CO. But still, my... body... is... yearning... for... press... previews...
Nad, help me...
Oh yeah, by the way (saja2 lari dari menyelesaikan kehidupan sendiri), belilah tudung Nad & Yeh. Best tul pakai. Rase macam tak pakai. Haha. Like this one:
This tudung is sooooo comfortable, balik rumah pun rasa taknak bukak. Go to http://nellyshop.blogspot.com for more.
"You're too preoccupied with solving people's problem, you neglect to have your own." another friend said.
Takde... takde.. aku cuma nak iklankan tudung Nad je... huuu...
Dialogue of the day
"Sebenarnya kan Tim, aku dengan boss aku ada pertalian."
"Boss yang mana?"
"Vinsen."
"Pertalian apa?"
"Pertalian darahlah."
"Ye ke? Bos ko tau ke? mana ko tau ni?"
"Yelah, kita sama-sama keturunan Nabi Adam..."
"................................. haha, bangang, aku terkena! Mesti lama ko nak piker lawak tu, kan?"
"Tak la lama. Yang lama tu memikirkan nak guna nama siapa yang boleh buat ko terkejut. Hahaha."
